I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
