im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
