508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
