Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's blow job season.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
