Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
