Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
