I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
