So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
