Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
