Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
