dude i'm inner monologue high
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
