nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
