obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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