youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dick has a subreddit
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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