We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
