I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
