Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
