I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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