That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
