I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
