Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Houston, we have a blender
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
