um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
