i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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