I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
