I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
