I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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