You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
