I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
