Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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