the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
