Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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