Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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