I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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