ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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