grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
