if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
