I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
