dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
