i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
