Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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