My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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