My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
