This girl is more easily done than said...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
