Someone shit on the floor
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
