I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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