New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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