I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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