HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
