Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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