he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
